Contract Killer

The "joys of pest control" may sound like a contradiction in terms, but this industry is if nothing else, an interesting one – you never quite know where you're going to be from one minute to the next.

Not simply something you can pick up overnight, a qualified pest control technician has endured six months of intensive training in biology, behaviour, pesticides, legislation and health and safety before being released into the field, but gathering the requisite experience to survive takes much longer.

Tricks of the trade include bicycle clips to prevent rodents from running up your trouser legs to elastic bands on your wrists to stop cockroaches from crawling up your sleeves. A reasonable running speed in a tricky situation is also helpful, especially if surrounded by a swarm of angry bees.

Not simply contracted to run away from angry insects, the main bulk of pest control work actually consists of visiting clients' premises to fill and maintain their feeder boxes. Not restricted to specific baits, it is common for rodents to shun the standard poison if better alternatives are available. For example, mice are notorious for developing unusual tastes depending on their local food source, which in turn requires ingenuity on the part of the pest controller to find solutions that will work in different circumstances.

In Asian food warehouses for instance, it may be necessary to substitute the usual pellets with poisoned coriander seeds, or perhaps chicken that has been roasted and then marinated in a liquid poison, and then wired inside the box. Clever. But when vermin are simply spoiled for choice, however, as they are in city centres where discarded food often litters the streets, the pest controller has to be cleverer still.

Since wholewheat and coriander cannot tempt rats who never run out of kebabs, they must be tricked into poisoning themselves. For example, if there's a hole that is known to be a rat run, the pest control officer can put a dust around that hole, which contains a poison. The dust will be picked up on the rats' fur and will be injested when the rat grooms itself.

Sometimes, however, when all forms of cleverness have failed, it may be necessary to turn to something very simple and very unpleasant: the glue board, an exterminator's last resort. This is a sheet of card covered in a thick gummy layer, which is impossible, once trodden in, for rats and mice to escape from.

Of course, even though pest control officers are hired to kill, some animals will always strike a heart chord – baby pigeons, for example, or squirrels. Though pigeons or squirrels may not seem as villainous as rats, they do still spread diseases; and the conditions that pigeon droppings create in people's attics can be almost apocalyptic.

Remarkably, the top job on most exterminators lists is that of a wasps' nest. Common in houses and gardens across the UK, especially in the summer months, a wasp nest provides a unique combination of fear and determination and will scare the hell out of any pest control officer... the sheer noise of the nest when the poison goes in is enough to gain most people's attention.

Perhaps that is what it is that makes pest control so addictive – the adrenaline rush that comes from trying to tame nature when it can so easily turn around and bite (or sting) you. Whatever the reason, what can be sure is that pest control is a profession that provides great rewards and can instill enormous amounts of pride on a job well done.